hold

block1

block2

block3

block4

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edit 1: 5:45 PM (17:45)
 – i’ve been half productive, half not. haven’t finished yesterdays calendar but kinda works out cuz i getta copy and paste a mostly blank to reuse for today. i have to automate these posts to happen every day with the table template too but ill do that later.. gotta learn a buncha songs on drums rn bye.
 

see post below (insert downward pointing arrows here) it’s a work in progress but it’s a start. i am starting. somewhere. and i just need to keep going from here. it is currently 2:33. rn the my first 6hourCalendar table below is only updated to hour 3, but i also have it recorded in analog in a personal journal of mine to so i will keep that updated whenever i can’t get to a computer/can’t code the table atm, then convert it into digital later. i am really excited about this project, especially with the practical use of html involved that i can finally use as a reason to get better at coding. starting with html/css which i already have my certificates from SoloLearn from which i wanna give a huge shout out to because that service has helped me a ton in terms of delivering the information i want and need in an easy, effective and rewarding way. i know that sounds like a commercial but trust me they are not paying me to say that they have no idea who i am. in fact, at this point in time as i’m typing this no one really knows who i am, or about this blog at least. but i want to change that. and i think this is a big step in the right direction… yay.

damn that looks nice. first time typing that title from thought to text and it looks cooler than i thought i would. i don’t know if i wanna put a date or number behind whatever yet… but anyways, i’m getting distracted – this my first attempt at my 6hourCalendar idea, one that i hope i will be able to keep consistent with. it is a combination of past systems or mentalities that i came up with or heard of from someone else, that are designed to make me more productive, but haven’t worked. i’m not sure if that makes any sense to you or whoever is reading this for whatever reason, but i’ll get to the point.

from now on, i am going to keep track of my days in the form of 4, 6 hour time blocks that i will post to this blog. i will try my best to keep track of both what i plan to do and what i actually do, but i have tried this system and failed before (“fail” as in, miss a day and get discouraged and abandon the idea altogether) but with this system i am just going to completely prioritize consistency and come up with something that compensates easily for missed days. i’m thinking of, for now at least, just formatting it as a simple table using HTML/CSS or whatever, and making sections for what i plan to do and what i actually do, then just fill them with what i can, and if i got nothing then just N/A or something vague and carry on.

CONSISTENCY, CONSISTENCY, CONSISTENCY. that’s priority number one. i’m thinking of a lot of things in my head right now, i hope this is the start of something great, i know i need to make this work. i think this the thing i need to give this blog a structure and a purpose and a reason to promote it and have people actually read it instead of just blabbering into the abyss of the internet (btw that’s all yer gonna get if you read past this post.) i hope i’m saying the right things here. i know i’m gonna do more.

12:57 AM, 15 June 2017

im actually managing to finish and currently be in the process of uloading my first solo ep on my birthday minutes before party and feelin kinda good/happy/proudofmyself so that’s cool.

i don’t really know what else to say at this point. there isn’t much left to talk about with myself in my head. only things that need to get done, and my unrelenting anxiety telling my not to do those things because i will fail. probably. who knows. i can’t even tell if my own words are accurate of how i feel. i just don’t understand myself or the world around me. and i’m tired of it. quite honestly, i’m tired of it all. i was for a very long time, then i thought i wasn’t, but i have been. i have been tired of it all for what seems and feels like a very long time, but in the grand scheme of things, it is nothing. a laughable amount of time. and it’s made me miserable. call me dramatic but it’s a feeling i feel a lot. and for no apparent reason. but i still have plenty of time left. or at least i hope i do. so i have to do something to fill that time. something i love, preferably. but i love everything. at least i think i do. but i think i try to do everything, get overwhelmed, and do nothing instead. which doesn’t make me hate everything, but i think makes me feel nothing. i don’t know if this makes sense. nor do i care. i am tired.

i am being tracked.

edit: to be a little more specific, im currently getting heavily invested into and mind blown by a 7 part miniseries/awesome (opinion_) interactive website called donottrack-doc.com . check it out

new monthsandsubjects post

feel hopeless cuz there’s a tonna stuff i want to do and seemingly no time to do it all but at the same time i’m hopeful it’s all just gonna be a sorta exciting challenge and puzzle i getta figure out if that makes any sense at all… i’m doing stuff which is good. push ups. drawing stuff. i feel like i should be doing a lot more work on my ep tho but its still one of those things where im scared to work on cuz idk im weird and fearful of feeling but yeah i just gotta do it i know that. i don’t know how to go public with all this stuff though. how long now have i just been writing to myself on this “blog” like a crazy person now/.? and like i started the DwD website at the beginning of fall 2016 and it’s just kinda sat there in the same place since then and not taken any progress anywhere… idk man. overall things are good tho so yay. time to start being a lazy sloth tho and start working 80-120 hours a week

blowing my own mind right now over how obvious this is and how long ago i should have done it…

i’ve always been a huge proponent of self education thru modern online materials. i don’t know why it took me so long but i finally started browsing the famed khan academy today. i used to have lynda also so shout outs to them but i was doing from some searching and came across this youtube channel that i think just answered all the questions that have been boiling in my mind lately. all into nice, neat, organized and compact videos. Derek Banas is the guy i’m talking about. you can check out his channel by clicking on his name, if you didn’t catch that. right now i’m looking into javascript, css and electronics. i’ve been struggling a lot with the concept of learning school stuff without school lately but this is completely reassuring. i am confident that there are more than enough resources for me, and for everyone else out there to learn from each other more than what i master’s degree and a buncha money can give you. or whatever. still working on the translating thoughts to words thing. but it’s getting better i guess. anyway. i’ma code, and learn, and work out and eat healthy and all that good stuff this summer. i gotta come outta these next few months feeling like i earned the age of 22… yeah