not really a big deal but ima make it a big deal because i feel like i need to use my anxiety about numbers to my advantage in order to make myself feel the urgency of my age and the limited time i have left of my 20’s let alone on this earth and i need to get my shit together.
it’s definitely getting closer so that’s good i guess. always getting closer.
so yeah.
exactly one month ago today was my 24th birthday, and i was in europe. i was feeling really good and like i was going to turn my life around as soon as i got back, but if i’m being honest with myself i almost immediately resorted to my old home habits. but that changes now. again.
i went on quite the tyrade on yesterday’s post. i wish i coul do the same rn but i have to get some sleep.
but i will update this post 3 times today in accordance with the posting points game rules i established in yesterdays post.
so yes. this is the first time block of the first day of the game. my daily ramblings posting points game to be specific. horrible title buttfuckit–
howaboot we give this thing an ol fashion try huh?
format subject to change.
+1 SP | total points (otd) = 1
<00:42
;
>>13:24
first day third block. missed the second block. cuz i slept passed noon. like i do.
btdubs otd stands for of the day. might add oat for of all time if i feel like it.
also you know how i said format subject to change? yeah ima change the format. i didn’t specify the block in the points so i need to do that. and idk why the dashes are automatically centered like that… anyways.
i am thinking about… a lot. i want to/need to try my best to get everything down that i want to remember before i fall asleep. i have a doctors appointment at 12 so i’ll be lucky to get 6 hours of sleep — but that’s also one of the main things i want to talk about, sleep.
and schedule. ing. schedules.
on my old site – which i transferred the blogger stuff to here from so it should be here somewhere – i tried to do this 6 hour block thing where i blocked the day out into 4 blocks of 6 hours and try to do more productive shit based around that. i want to take that concept and tweak it to something flexible, yet strict. comfortable yet,.. idk.., productivity inducing?
i’m probably going to go in a million different directions with this, if i even manage to stay up and type those things without falling asleep just quite yet, but i think that last sentence in that last paragraph almost sum up a majority of what i’m trying to say / establish.
i need to find / create a schedule for myself that is comfortable and productive. however, i do not mean comfortable in the sense of sloth – the kinda comfort i’ve been far too used to as of late. no, i intend to establish a productive comfort that allows me to feel like i have my shit together enough to go get more shit done… does that make sense? a sorta positive feedback loop i guess. needa reverse this shit cuz i’ve been in a negative one for a while now.
anyway — today. those dates i wrote at the top. well, obviously the first and last numbers at the time i wrote them HH:MM:SS – but the dates are all the different ways i could think of off the top of my head to write them. i’m sure there’s more and i would love to learn them and record them here, but as you’ve probably caught onto by now if ur reading this for whatever reason, i like to use the last date format for these posts. la penultima, however, i wrote out and just realized that’s what i will use to date my files for music and videos and digital art stuff… maybe even physical art stuff haha,
ok… that’s one of the things i wanted to say, summarized pretty well… i think.
so, back to today. 08july2019. i’ve come up with an idea for how to schedule my life in a comfortably productive manner. i think.
this idea is currently developing in my head so bear with me. holy shit i just had a really good idea.
ok so, starting tomorrow – 09july2019 – i will report to this website 4 times a day, once every 6 hours.
now, this schedule is strict and it isn’t… i will not let this be another “tomorrow i gonna do my life this way from now on except i set way too high expectations on myself and now i messed up and missed a thing and now i forgot about the thing because it wasn’t perfect and now i’m sad now oh well.” type of situation.
instead, i am going to treat this “blog” as something entirely new:
website dream journal [wdj]
prolly sounds cheesy, ya se, but it clicked in my head the other day as a thing that can help me tie everything together, so wuteva.
also, this funky jam came up when i googled wdj just to double check that the acronym didn’t stand for anything weird lol so enjoy:
ok so my sleep schedules all fucked up rn which is why i’m not starting this thing today, but i’m starting it on that specific date because 09july2019 will have been one full month of being 24 for me, which i know isn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things – but i’m realizing more and more that i am a real freak for numbers, and i am just all around not in the productive mindset i need to be in in order to have a successful life, so why not use my age as an excuse to overthink about time and try and get my shit together before i’m out of it, ya know?
ok so i’m 24 years old and there’s 24 hours in a day. and there’s 24 years in me. 24 years of stuff from 24 hours of 365 days every one of those 24 years… plus another 38 from the month of june up to the 8th day of june and the 7th minute of the 6th hours as i’m typing this sentence…
so time is always… just always. it just always is. going. fleeting. leaving. ticking. whatevering. so it’s limited. so i should make the most of it.
now this is where my brain splits between logic and emotion.
idk if that makes sense butt–
i guess you could say where things get more opinionated, or philosophical, or whaatever. i know im prolly saying wuteva alot and some other shit but these daily posts are my therapeutic i don’t give a fuck typing sessions… journal entries, diary poems and sonatas whatever the fuck. i will spill all my random thoughts and ideas and shit here, then ill make a more organized articles page for more professionally written publications – or whatever the fuck.
this is partly what i’m talking about with the website dream journal.
ok i feel like there was something else i was abouta explain buttfuckit ima explain this while it’s in my head then i’ll get back to it.
ok so:
nateqdruen.com
right?
front page:
some shit idk… originally created, preferably tho.
as well as some static short paragraph introduction thing that gives the user / audience the general idea of what this site is / hopefully / will be – a website dream journal.
so what is that? well, i don’t want to make this the end all be all definition because it is still an idea that is evolving – and in ways it will always be that, an idea that is evolving – but we got package this into an easy to swallow pill, so it can be digested at first glance and immediately pull interest into doing the same for themselves: the user / audience.
——————————————————————————————————————–
a website dream journal is a personally hosted website that the owner codes and customizes while documenting there life – dreams, goals, ambitions and whatever else they can think of. you don’t need to be a professional programmer, you can learn how to store all the information you want the world’s people to know about you in one place that you create yourself.
——————————————————————————————————————–
probably not the best elevator pitch in the world, but i’m not really trying to sell anything. i’m trying to start a movement. that prolly sounds dramatic, but this is an idea i’ve thought about for a while – and it ties into my obsession with education.
i truly believe that the world would benefit from everyone having their own personal website. by choice, obviously, only if they wanted – but i do believe they should all have access to a device which can allow them to do this, even if it’s just a raspberry pi and a keyboard and monitor or just a phone with internet access or whatever. with this idea or not, either way, the internet needs to become a basic utility, provided to every human being if they so desire, along with food, water, and shelter. four. 4 basic needs for human survival, 4 corners of the universe, 4 blocks of 6 hours in a 24 hour earth day, 4 of a buncha other stuff. 24 years old. getting my shit together..
it is 06:28. i need to go to sleep but i have more to say. so we’ll see where this goes.
education – i believe every human being should be provided with access to the internet because it is an unlimited resource pool of education.
i believe education, knowledge, is the closest thing we have to a tool that can solve all the worlds problems. sadly, that’s the same reason it’s the first thing that gets cut in all the shitty school budgets. at least that’s what i believe, but i won’t get into my conspiracy theories on why public education systems , and probably private and other types as well, are systematically rigged to sabotage the baseline intelligence of the general population.
that’s for another time.
with that being said, i think this is officially my longest post ever. i’m not entirely sure but i’ll eventually check then update this thread if i remember.
i still have more to say but i’ll be back, hopefully i’ll remember.
oh yeah so tomorrow.
i will post at 00:00:00 – 09july2019.
this will begin the posting points game.
so to finish my thought from earlier, i will bring back the idea of the 4, 6 hour blocks – but as a game specifically for posting to this website.
jk that was a lame fight club reference it’s 06:44 in the morning and i haven’t slept
YOU MUST KEEP CONSISTENT IN YOUR LIFE.
that’s a pretty dramatic rule but honestly that is the point of this points game. since this is rule 4 and i still haven’t actually described the game at all i’ll break it down:
the goal of this game is to earn as many points as possible.
points are earned by publishing posts to this website.
there is no limit on how many points you can earn a day, but the recommended amount is 4 [24 hours a day = 4 blocks of 6 hour time periods. the ideal method is to check in with 1 post every one of these 6 hour blocks (4 = 4 points)]
that may sound a little convoluted and these are probably shitty rules, but work with me here. tasdfhis is an evolving idea so rules are subject to change overtime – but i will preserve this post as an original, while probably pinning whatever the updated version ends up being at the top of whatever page these end up on.
ok so i’m totally getting sidetracked but i want to try and get this down in an initial 10 rules but open to more later – so, the 4 posts / points a day that was discussed in rule 7 will be the standard posts / points – just general check-ins to see how the day and how each block of time is going. this one might be long so ready up. as much as i hate the letter grade system and it’s associations – a fail is a fail – so 0 (zero) points is a fail. now, i want to come up with names for 1, 2, and 3 points – like good, great, and perfect – but at the same time i don’t want to becuase those will not all be good, great, or perfect days. instead i’ll just let the numbers do the talking. so, the first 4 posts to my daily ramblings will be standard points. (btw, just to clarify, by 4 posts this whole time i have actually meant 1 post for the day, like i’ve been doing e.g. 08july2019 – but with 3 updates – so a total of 4 sit downs at the computer to write. does that make sense? i wrote it in italics so it should.)
asdf\\\.///godimtired but i feel really fuckin good and im glad i did this. 07:07:27. 20190807. 07:08:28. okay so, i hate that i can’t press enter without it going to the next number, i mean there prolly is a way to but im goin to sleep so fuck you read this wall of text lol jk ily <3 the tenth and final (initial, amendments available) rule of the posting points game is: have fun. nah jk, i mean yes and no but to wrap this shit the fuck up already here we go — AT THE END OF EVERY WEEK (end of week being sunday night / monday morning, like now) AND MONTH (end of month being… the last day of the month? yeah) TALLY TOTAL POINTS. CATEGORIZE. STANDARD POINTS = SP = 4 DAILY RAMBLINGS POSTS / UPDATES. UNIQUE POINTS (did i spell unique right?) = UP = POINTS EARNED BY POSTING TO OTHER UNIQUE SECTIONS OF THE WEBSITE, OR WORKING ON DESIGN OF WEBSITE, OR RECORDING THINGS IN PHYSICAL JOURNALS THAT I THINK COUNT FOR A POINT, OR DOING ANY PHYSISCAL WORK OR OTHER THINGS THAT COUNTS FOR A POINT, WHATEVER THE FUCK, I PROLLY GOTTA TRIM THAT LIST DOWN LATER BUT YOU GET THE POINT. UPs WILL BE EXTRA POINTS FROM EXTRA SHIT. IN FACT I SHOULD PROBABLY CALL THEM EPs. YEAH I’MA CALL THEM EPs. EXTRA POINTS = EP = POINTS EARNED BY EXTRA ACTIVITIES OUTSIDE OF STANDARD POINTS, EACH EXTRA POINT SHOULD HAVE A DISTINCT DESRIPTION TO EXPLAIN WHY / HOW THE POINT WAS EARNED.
ok. so. holy shit. wtf am i doing. am i crazy? i think this just might work. just gotta stick to it. the idea with these points is i can keep them going. pick them back up whenever. if i miss a few days or don’t get all 4 updates or whatever, i just don’t get points for those, but it doesn’t mess the whole system up or make me feel like a lost a perfect streak and now none of it’s worth doing anymore.
so yeah. birds are chirpin’. 07:21:40. gonna go to sleep. but i’m glad i did this. i’ll come up with some kinda weekly / monthly rewards system later. i don’t know if i should also do a punishment system for missing hours? i’m afraid i wouldn’t keep consistent with that, but why wouldn’t i? should i? i think the most sensible thing to do is make the reward / punishment the time itself in giving myself extra vacation vs. extra work hours. does that make sense? and the way i’ve been handling myself the past few hours, i have had way more than enough vacation hours, so it’s time to put in some work hours.
i just need to get my sleep schedule figured out. so that’s part of the strictness / complexity of the game – i’m a chronic sleeper that’s easily been blowing off 10-12+ hours a day on sleeping… that’s not good. and when i don’t sleep, i stay up way too late like this, but i get shit done. but there has to be a balance. so that’s what i’m trying to find with this game.
i guess.
conveniently, 6 hours is the recommended bare minimum hours of sleep a night, but 7 and a half – 8 is preferred. so i can easily !@#$%^&*()_+ timeskip +_)(*&^%$#@! went and did sum shit now im back. 07:48:16 now. just gonna stay up til my doctors appt. at 12 now. might as well get some homework done between now and then.
to finish my pretimeskip thought, i can easily adjust my sleep schedule around these 6 hour blocks by just pushing the time i sleep and wake in to be between the blocks, in the middle or somewhere i can post before i go to sleep confirming the point for that time block then waking up in the next time block and updating the post for that time block. does that make sense?
so if we we’re on a normal early bird 9-5 schedule, which i won’t be but just for common example to establish wtf im talkin about here, and we want 8 hours of sleep — the schedule might look something like this.
*
09july2019 (for example, this is not how my day will actually go tomorrow.)
*
\
00:00:00 — publish first daily ramblings posting points game post. (this will happen but it a much better thought out manner… hopefully.)
^ ok so that takes care of block 1 already… +1 SP
\
01:00 – 08:00 — sleep
^ ok so block 1 would be from 00:00:00 – 05:59:59 and block 2 would start right at 06:00:00. i won’t always use seconds but sometimes i will. u guess. also some time gaps may be unaccounted for but that’s exactly the point of the game – i don’t have to account for every single damn thing all day – just 4 updates throughout the day in any space within the 6 hour time blocks, no matter how big or small.
\
08:00 – 09:00 — wake, get ready for work, post to / update website.
09:00 – 05:00 — work
^ ok so here we have the 9-5 grind 8 hours a day in it’s natural habitat. like i said, i most likely won’t be working this exact time frame often – but i will however be working 8-12 hours at a time. so how will i make sure to receive all 4 of my daily standard points in these situations?
it’s 08:04 now and i could probably go all day on this post but i’m gonna have to stop at some point but i will figure out a reasonable logic behind all this and get this thing going tomorrow.
i am excited.
i am very happy i did this. i feel like this is truly the all nighter i’ve been searching for. and it happened so naturally. so that’s nice. i’m glad i have a doctors appointment. my eyes are prolly gonna be tired af but i feel like i can give honest answers about the meds and get an honest opinion / recommendation on TMS/.
oh yeah so that would take care of block 2. +1 SP = 2 total SP. will prolly come up with better tally system later.
\
12:33:44 — lunch break post
^ ok so this is an example of a basic ass update to get the time post in on the right block for the full point, even if u only have a minute or two on your phone or computer or whatever. if u absolutely cannot get on the internet or don’t have the time to post or simply forgot, that’s okay. you will miss a point but you can catch the next one in another 6 hours. i was thinking of allowing multiple posts in the same time block count for more but i think this actually works. i also think im gonna head to sleep after i explain this last thing.
why 4 blocks of 6 hours? i could do 3 blocks of 8 hours. 2 blocks of 12 hours. every day and night is already 1 block of 24 hours. 6 blocks of 4 hours. 8 blocks of 3 hours. back to 2 blocks of 12 hours.wtf am i talking about. idk.
but i think the possibility for 1 point every 6 hours for a total of 4 points every 24 horus day (i know im repeating myself but im tired and confused) i think that provides a nice rate of progress, and something that’s easy to jump in and out of without feeling overwhelmed… sure i feel overwhelmed rn tryna establish how it’ll work n sheit, but i think once i get it going it will really help me look at each day with a more productive perspective.
so the points will tally up to time rewards. so there’s the Standard Points = SP which i just explained a tonna times, then there’s the Extra Points = EP , which will be roughly equivalent to 1 hour of focused dedicated work, or one accomplished, identifiable task no matter how big or small – from organzing a show to practicing / producing music / videos / art, to making my bed.
btdubs that’s block 3. +1 SP = 3 total SP
\
06:19:20 — post-work post
^ ok so here’s another short one cuz im tired af. gotta stay up tho or im not gonna wake up but holy shit ive been working on this post for damn near 3 hours. that’s cool. sicc af. ima shit out this information and post it at 3 hrs on the dot then.
but im doin it. i haven’t been doin’ it, but i just got yelled at by my girlfriend to do it… so im doin it now. i was pretty good at doin it, better than usual at least which isn’t a high standard but whatever, until she got home from her study abroad trip. got pretty distracted then tbh. but im gettin back on track. starting today. not tomorrow. today.
gonna finish my homework then go watch spider-man. cuz i really wanna see spider-man.
im gonna be 25 by this time next year… that’s pretty terrifying. quarter-life crisis mode: engaged.
i did get my homework done on time last night though. same for 2 days before that, but the day in between i did miss – so i need/will catch up on that tonight/tomorrow.
feelin good tho. need to clean tho. my room stinks lol.
it is the 24th day of the month and year that i turned 24.
i need to be working 24 hours a day.
not literally, i mean sort of, but figuratively mostly. obviously i need to sleep – but i need to work on sleeping better. i need to work on waking up better. i need to work on working better. i need to work on studying better, which i should be doing right so g2g soon.
right now actually. i would like to write more but i need to turn in my homework before midnight. if i really put my mind, body and soul into it – i really, truly believe that this can be a transformative summer.
here’s another class introduction that i went a lil more off on cuz the teach seems cool:
Hi!
My name’s Nate and I’m a drummer trying to learn how to be a coder –
or programmer, I guess I should say. I originally went to Berklee
College of Music in Boston to study jazz and music theory, but it was
way too expensive to feasibly complete a full 4-year degree there
(privatized education, go figure) so I dropped out. During my last
semester, however, I was accepted into the study abroad program in Spain
that was entirely focused on Music Technology – how MIDI works, the
anatomy of microphones, the more audio engineering side of things –
which quadrupled my interest in computers, which was already pretty
strong.
That led me to come back home to San Diego, where I found out that
Mesa College offered a 4-course Certificate of Performance in Computer
Programming – so here I am!
I have always had strong disagreements with how the public education
system works and how education, in general, is treated as a second
thought. I was disappointed when I made it to my dream music school then
realized it’s the same old A’s, B’s, C’s, D’s and F’s and
homework-test-homework-test environment with a musical twist on top. I
truly believe we could solve a majority of the world’s problems by
investing all – if not, at least more – of our resources into education,
and I hope to one day be part of a movement that reinvents the wheel on
how we treat education as a society.
In the meantime, however, I gotta pay the bills. Music is fun and
all, but it’s really easy to spend money on it, and really hard to make
money out of it. I still hope to make it big with my band one day and
there’s plenty of other entrepreneurial endeavors that I wish to embark
on, and the one thing that I have found consistent between all the
different things that I want to do with my life, is that they could all
be improved upon with programming.
Anyways, it’s past 3am and I don’t know why I’m some sort of typing
spree, apologies for the ramblings. I have a bad habit of staying up
late but I will get more sleep for this 8-week course as recommended. I
just want to say that even though I am not a school person at all and I
despise the usual class work (and my grades usually show for it) – I
absolutely love the way that this course is set up with a focus on
Linux/Unix and the general bare bones structure of it all. I think this
just might be the class to break my curse of not caring about school.
Sorry, that’s a lot for a hello haha. Well, I’m looking forward to the course and excited for a productive summer semester! Good luck, everyone!