Category: Uncategorized

>>23:31

chya

<23:31

>>23:29

29?… ima organize sum sheit 2nite.

<23:32

>>21:28

today was the first day i stopped enabling myself.

hopefully the streak continues.

block 4 : +1 SP | total = 1 SP

<21:30

>>23:54

tomorrow is the last sunday of the month — i will use this day to… try and get my shit together… again.

but rlytho ima make every sunday (and weds/thurs?) a clean up day, then every last sunday of the month a sort of mega clean up day. like a reflection/evaluation type a thing i guess. i think ill remove the [oat] (of all time) points total from this and future posts and leave that for the last sundays. sounds good here we go.

block 4: +1 SP | total = 1

<23:58

>>04:42

okay.

today’s the day.

i get my shit together.

again.

block 1: +1 SP | total otd = 1 ; total oat = ??? // oat sounds too stupid for of all time… gonna change that when i think of something better. also probably eventually figure out automatic system to keep track cuz im not gonna remember every time and i don’t want that to get in the way of consistency.

<04:46

>>04:47

i would usually end it there but i have a lot to say right now and probably won’t get it all out but i need to use this website a lot more and be active in my life a lot more and just do things a lot more and i am going to do that.

swearzies.

i am aiming for today to be the first day i get all four Standard Points from my stupid little game, and ima gona upgrade my stupid little game into a slightly better version of itself along with my life hopefully.

i took my meds a lil late today (6pm[18:00_24july2019]) and i think that’s why im still up. feels a little like that other night that i started this thing. which is fitting because this is the first time im actually attempting the full thing again after my first unintentional hiatus from the game, a.k.a my first being lazy and fuhgetting about it moment.

but i designed this game with specifically these moments in mind. so here i am to try again.

.

so this is block 1 [00:00 – 05:59].

i will set an alarm to wake me up at 10:00 and i will post here again with an update before the end of block 2 [06:00 – 11:59].

i will also leave the house before noon and go to school even though my summer classes are online, just for a place to study.

i have to be home by 15:00 so i will update after then, before the end of block 3 [12:00 – 17:59].

then i should be home for the rest of the day so i should have no problem updating before the end of block 4 [18:00 – 23:59].

.

ok. so. this is a good start. we’ll see how this goes and play it by ear from there. if today actually ends up being the first day i score a perfect 4 on this dumb game that i made myself and for some reason still haven’t played correctly like a dumbass — then maybe this one sentence outliner of each block of the day might become a regular thing.

i at least like the periods for a sort of format keeper so im definitely keepin that. idk if that was correct grammar but idgaf.

i need to get sleep, but here’s the buncha stuff about today that i wanted to say:

25july2019

i just looked at the calendar and my heart sunk because it actually is exactly two weeks until the one year anniversary of the death of cloud the dog, my best friend.

i promised myself that i would be a better me for him. and honestly, i haven’t been. but today i am. and i will be for the next two weeks. and i will remember him dearly on that day and reflect on every day between this year and last. where was i then and where am i now. can i do more in a year. i know i can. idk if any of this makes sense but im jus typinh here. but i think these moments are different from the others. this time it’s different.

because this time, my life is lining up in a beautiful way. not that it never has before, it is an understatement to say that i have lived a lucky life, but it has come with a side of a heavy depression. i felt like i couldn’t move today. like i was moving, but i wasn’t. idk. and so i took my med real late and maybe mary janed when i wasnt supposed ta, but im cuttin all that crap now. no more wumbo mumbo combo. yes more outside activities and healthy foods. sounds boring. i know. but i think that’s what im s’posed to do.

anyways, the lining up thing i was talking about – two weeks from now:

08august2019

i will start TMS.

magnets bitch.

ima git better 4u cloudydog<3.

<05:18

;

>>07:59

neon genesis evangelion.

tomorrow i will pretend that i am 25. i need to start prepping for my quarter life crisis.

a new beginning.

<08:00

>>23:00

twentyfour.

block 4: +1 SP | total = 1

<23:01

>>23:42

it has been a while. i have been wkrking this week, so it’s been good. just had band practice and gotta show tomorrow night, work in the morning so g2g tcho sleep – no block updates for tonight but ill handle all that sheijt tomorruhhh…

<23:54

>>04:34

block 1 done. i almost missed it, but i didn’t. setting alarm for 11:00 so i can get 6 hours of sleep and not miss block 2.

block 1 ; +1SP | total points: [otd] = 1 [oat] = 7

<4:40

>>11:57

block 2. yay. i actually did it. block 3 and 4 should be ez.

block 2 ; +1 SP , +0 EP | total points: [otd] = 2 [oat] = 8

<11:59

;

>>23:29

missed the third block but im not butthurt aboot it cuz i was awake and outside and doin good sheit so isz gud. everyone’s home!

block 4 ; +1 SP , +0 EP | total points: [otd] = 3 [oat] = 9

<23:34

>>22:04

consistency, consistency, consistency… so far, it has consistently proven to be difficult to be consistent in my life.

i am proud to say that i have made a post every month ever since i started this website in january 2017. not every day, but every month at least. it is really satisfying to look at the archives for that reason.

but simply posting every month is obviously not enough to get me where i want to be… wherever that is. i have to do more.

but before i do more in areas that i want to do – i have to do more in areas that i need to do.

i think i could even benefit from writing up a list of my wants vs. needs and publishing it on this website.

but first i need to do homework.

i was gonna make this a short one cuz i gotta get to my hw and it’s already turned out longer than anticipated, but i still wanna talk about these blocks for a sec.

today’s the third day i’ve been trying this “posting points game” method and instead of improving, i have been… deproving?

out of 4 possible daily points — the first day i got the 3 points, the second day i got 2 points and today, the third day, i will be receiving 1 point.

which is funny, because i distinctly remember waking up “early” this morning (10am aka before noon = ‘early’) and thinking “oh hey i can make a post and talk about how even tho i missed block 1 for the day, block 2 is actually more important for me personally because it involves the waking up part.”

anyways, instead of continuing this pattern and letting myself get a 0 tomorrow – i am going to make sure i get my first full score of 4.

let’s see how this goes.

block 4 : +1 SP | total points = 1 [otd] 6 [oat]

<22:24

>>14:44

missed block 1 and 2 on the second day… 3 times the charm.

block 3: +1 SP | total points = 1 [otd] 4 [oat]

<14:49

;

>>23:48

should i set an alarm for 10 tomorrow/? probably.

block 4: +1 SP | total points = 2 [otd] 5 [oat]

<23:49