nateqdruen.com

feel hopeless cuz there’s a tonna stuff i want to do and seemingly no time to do it all but at the same time i’m hopeful it’s all just gonna be a sorta exciting challenge and puzzle i getta figure out if that makes any sense at all… i’m doing stuff which is good. push ups. drawing stuff. i feel like i should be doing a lot more work on my ep tho but its still one of those things where im scared to work on cuz idk im weird and fearful of feeling but yeah i just gotta do it i know that. i don’t know how to go public with all this stuff though. how long now have i just been writing to myself on this “blog” like a crazy person now/.? and like i started the DwD website at the beginning of fall 2016 and it’s just kinda sat there in the same place since then and not taken any progress anywhere… idk man. overall things are good tho so yay. time to start being a lazy sloth tho and start working 80-120 hours a week

blowing my own mind right now over how obvious this is and how long ago i should have done it…

i’ve always been a huge proponent of self education thru modern online materials. i don’t know why it took me so long but i finally started browsing the famed khan academy today. i used to have lynda also so shout outs to them but i was doing from some searching and came across this youtube channel that i think just answered all the questions that have been boiling in my mind lately. all into nice, neat, organized and compact videos. Derek Banas is the guy i’m talking about. you can check out his channel by clicking on his name, if you didn’t catch that. right now i’m looking into javascript, css and electronics. i’ve been struggling a lot with the concept of learning school stuff without school lately but this is completely reassuring. i am confident that there are more than enough resources for me, and for everyone else out there to learn from each other more than what i master’s degree and a buncha money can give you. or whatever. still working on the translating thoughts to words thing. but it’s getting better i guess. anyway. i’ma code, and learn, and work out and eat healthy and all that good stuff this summer. i gotta come outta these next few months feeling like i earned the age of 22… yeah

http://monthsandsubjects.nateqdruen.com/2017/05/17may2017.html

new song with the lovely and talented nubes <3 that voice tho. click the link below to hear:
https://soundcloud.com/nubesmusic

i’ve been writing there more than here lately so yeah click that button at the top that says that do that

i kinda wish i could my thoughts directly from my head so i could remember it all, but then i have to worry about some other entity invading all those thoughts. human or robot. alien. whatever.

i want to make an app that can track every hour of what i do, automatically or manually, and only when ordered too. something that does not track anything when you do not want it to – no invasion of privacy tricks. the key point of it actually being complete anonymity if desired; as well as complete immersion into a community that is based around being the best people they can be. but less cheesy.

point being though, an hour tracker app that has some kind of super easy system where you can choose what gets recorded and what doesn’t – it’s completely encrypted so everyone has a note system for whatever schedule they’re trying to keep with their lives and they can share what they want within the community thru some kind of forum and they also have their own thing that is completely private; not even viewed by the app itself. the only person that can read it is the one who wrote it on their device. somehow. i’m sure that’s harder to figure out then i’m saying but yeah. an idea in progress i guess.

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^ that signifies a break in writing i guess. i’m on a different thought process now. maybe not that different. i need to get better about

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my computer died… it is now 1:58 am. i have decided i am going to make 10ish-4ish my work hours. pm and respectively. work hours on my free nights. those are party hours, so im sure often times ill end up doing something fun friends, but i think i can make most parties actual business progressing events – at least slightly. and i’m sure not every event will take up the whole time. if i get home around 1 or 2 ish, still gotta solid couple hours to get some solid work done. and i’ll get up by 10, get some good coffee and a healthy breakfast or something, run errands do whatever i gotta – but if i’m at home not doing anything, i am going to start working on turning my garage into a real office – and open it up for office hours. teach people ableton, drums, whatever – while i learn to draw, animate, code, make videos whatever and then maybe eventually teach people that stuff too or hire other people and yeah business. k i’m gonna go mkae music now bye.

i mistakenly wrote the year as 20,017. well kinda. i meant to write it as 12,017. cuz of this video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czgOWmtGVGs&t=1s

i wrote 20,017 in a couple other posts scattered across my mess of blogs so excuse those as well.

anyways. it is officially the month of may and i have a lot of work to do. it’s actually may 2nd as of me typing this but i made sure to post this yesterday so it could look like i’m not procrastinating even though i actually am. but certainly not as bad as usual.

there’s a lot of things i need to get done this month and i lot of things i want to get done. you can follow the progress on those things more closely at the map of 2017 and monthsandsubjects tabs above. monthsandsubjects being a blog similar to this one, but more themed on the content of learning new material – while the map of 2017 is me trying to track how i spend every hour of my days.

to address the things i need to get done: i need to make some heavy improvements on drumming with druen, both the website and just the business as a whole. i haven’t dived as deep as i know i need to. i need to make this my full time job. i know i want to, and in my head i already do treat it that way – but that’s just thinking about it all the time. i haven’t made the translation into doing that i need to. sorry if these words don’t grammatically make sense or whatever, also sorry i don’t care. this is a self-therapeutic sort of thing so i’m not gonna take the time to fix it. i can’t even seem to type fast enough to catch all my thoughts and turn em into text, let alone correct text. that also probably doesn’t make sense but whatever moving on.

i also need to do mad work on the ep im trying to put out and im absolutely terrified of it because i am almost certain i am going to be disappointed with it in the end… but that’s art i guess.

i also gotta try and do school but… eh. i gotta whole thing on the education system. i was gonna rant on it in this post but i’ll save it for another time. actually i’ll link a video real quick that gives a glimpse of my views:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vsCAM17O-M

so i guess that kinda covers the needs for the most parts. ima head over to monthsandsubjects to cover the wants now.

usually, i spend a day stressing about how i don’t have my shit together and i think i’m gonna pull an all-nighter to fix everything – but that usually ends up in me just staying up a little too late watching tv and waking up past noon the next day. but tonight has been different. i didn’t even plan the act as much as i usually do, but finally just fell into the right mood to do this stuff i guess. i’m not sure exactly what it was, but i hope i can recreate it. finally got a bit of a hold on this chain of blogs i’m calling a website. starting to turn this thing into something i can show people, little by little.

kimgonnago2bednowbye

not sure what to title this, just feel like typing.

i want to plan my last 24 hours of april, 2017. it is 1:48 am as i am writing this, leaving me 12 minutes til 2 am, which will leave me with 22 hours left.

i want to start keeping track of my days as 3 different 8 hour blocks – work, play and rest.

i will put these past 2 hours in rest as well as the next 6. the next 16 will be split between work and play. i may not accurately follow this grid every day, it may fluctuate, but i think as long as i keep track it will help me be more aware of my lifestyle and if i’m spending my time in a healthy way or not. i have had a constant feeling of burden with time and it’s fleeting nature for the past few years – maybe even longer. it’s a theme of life that i want to feel like i’m in control of. even though i’m afraid may be impossible to be in complete control of. but maybe that’s just a cop out excuse to not try.

i’m not sure what i’m saying. but i know i’ve been having some good ideas and i need to put them to use. i’m going to turn this website and many other things into something useful soon. i just need to do it. which apparently is easier said than done. but it’s doable. so i am going to do it. whatever it is.

it could be an album, it could be an app, it could be a… buncha other things that i’m too lazy to type right now. but they’ll be cool probably who knows who cares

it’s 1:58 now. 1:59, actually. 1 minute left til 2. and i think i’m changing my mind about the rest. i could do any sort of rearranging with my hour blocks – just as long as they average out to around 8 hours each thing – save for a couple hours here and there for transitional hours or whatever. i got lost, anyway -it’s 2:01 and i’ma thinkin’ of doin’ an hour or 2 of work since i’m feelin’ a bit inspired. i’ll go to sleep at 3 or 4 at the latest, which is usual, and wake up by 12 at the latest – but set an alarm for 10 to check on my phone and make sure i don’t have anything i need to be stressing about for the day. cuz the past weekend i will admit i’ve felt about out of control with my time – but hopefully this will help.

i think i’ll start my hour of work by publishing this “blog post” and going back to finally link that map of 2017 that i was talking about before. so yeah. i think some positive changes are about to happen. i just need to make them happen. i think if i make the right changes within myself, it will reflect in my life. i really want to focus on establishing myself as a professional ready for the “post-college world” this month of may. i need to do work on the products and services i want to create and sell as businesses. i am going to do that work and document it here and analyze my progress and try to optimize my time into a healthy lifestlye. it may be ugly at first but hopefully it gets prettier. but i guess i gotta start to find out. does any of this make sense? i don’t know? but it’s 2:13 and i;’mg oing to press publish now?

i don’t know why i’ve grown into this obsession with dates and time but i have… i thought today about how trivial it all is and how much it holds me back. i don’t think “holds me back is really the right phrasing but i can’t think of anything better. obviously, time and dates set a constraint on reality that makes it easier to percieve – we wouldn’t be where we are if we didn’t “know” that today is “27 april 2017” – but i feel like it’s good and healthy to remembef that that’s all made up every once in a while. sure, it’s based on a pretty reasonable system and understanding of the earth rotating the sun or whatever, but that’s just our planet around our specific sun in the midst of millions if not billions if not trillions others like it, but not at all the same… idk what i’m talking about… i wish it were easier to stream of conscious type… i wanted to reference a video in here about how its actually 20,017 instead of 2,017… i’ll link it later. i kind of went on an “off topic rant” as usual (idk what’s up with me n these ” marks rn im sorry i cant stop myself), but i started thinking of all this because i really want to put some sort of ep on my birthday this year and it’s really stressing me out knowing me and how i am with deadlines… but we’ll see how it goes i guess