nateqdruen.com

>>23:50

i am the person i want to be.

april fool’s.

lol.

that one might have been a little dark, but there’s truth in darkness. that was cheesy. that’s ok tho cuz it’s the first day of the fourth month of the year. the end of the first quarter and the beginning of the second.

i did not do any homework today. i am going to try and get some done now though. all nighter?

oh, also, i got dropped from my health 101 class. unfortunately, that was not an april fool’s joke i woke up to this morning. that was very much real. lol. s’okay though cuz i didn’t need that class for my computer programming certificate. now i can focus on my excel and java classes. so that is what i am going to do now.

also putting together a youtube video for the first time in a while, it’s a shitty pile of nonsense but i’m happy just to figure out how to do it again with my shitty gear so that’s cool…

anyways, here’s hoping this quarter of the year is more productive than the last. june needs to be a good month for me. i need to get some serious money, i need to seriously get my shit together and seriously stop talking and start doing stuff… seriously

<23:56

>>19:15

finally finished some fucking homework… feels fucking goood. les keep it goin’.

<19:15

>>23:55

posting alongside on the 30day project day9 day knights site thing wutever so ye. tomorrow i have to submit like a fuck tona homework shieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.

<23:56

>>21:28

one homework done. party time?

<21:29

>>23:26

semi-productive day – not the most, but more than none. got some laundry / house cleaning stuff done but failed at actually finishing and submitting any homework assignments… thinkin of the ol faithful all nighter… i think this is the spring where i spring into getting my shit together lol

<23:38

>>21:03

just rearranged myself after the timestamp so it’s now 09:09pm a.k.a. 21:09… now it’s 21:10… i’ve been wasting a lot of time, but, one of the people that i’ve been wasting time watching – a magic/game streamer named day9 – is thankfully a productive person to waste time watching apparently, because he has a recurring event called 30day projects where everyone in his community picks a project they want to get done within 30 days and they help each other organize and get their shit together and get it done and stuff and i think that’s pretty cool so i’m glad i discovered this guy just in time to join this one, spring 2019.

the event itself actually starts exactly 1 week today on 03april2019, but i am on spring break this week and i have a fucktonna homework that i need to get done right now, so i am going to start my MANDATORY CODING HOMEWORK “30day” project a week early. i put “30day” in quotes because im actually still in school for more than 30 days, but i need to catch up on the stuff im behind on in less than 30 days, heck, even less than less than 30 days. so yeah.

in the case that this works and i actually get my mandatory coding homework shit caught up on and comfortable with, then for the actual event starting april 3rd i would like to do something animation-related, probably using blender. something short like less than 10 seconds but more detailed than stick figures… preferably with a cityscape background or something? idk, got some ideas for that but the primary focus is homework until then and even then the primary focus is still homework, i will just have the luxury of being able to afford the time do extra shit or some shit idk.

<21:26

>>23:59

springbreak4eva

<00:00

>>23:55

gooday

<00:04

>>22:29

asdfjkl;

gotta stop lettin’ time slip by…

how many days am i lettin’ pass by as zeros? zero things accomplished that progress me forward.. not even just a lazy day here or there, i feel like i’ve had weeks if not months and really overall years of just 0 to minimal progress in life… as i’m typing this, i feel like i don’t really feel like this, but at the same time i felt the need to write it out… idk if that’s even true but wutever all of this is cheesy anyways ain’t it.

i missed the time-frame to post on the 19th of march but i will not miss the year of 2019… i know that’s not really connected and i know i overthink and underdo things but i will, i need to, change that. the 20s are my time to shine. and this is the year to put in the polish. whatever fuckin’ motivation metaphor i need to get myself to do it already.

part of me wants to pull an all nighter and magically turned my life around but part of me knows i’ve been trying that for 10 years now and it hasn’t worked so… i think in ways i’m being too hard in myself but in others i’m being hard enough, like in the right ways if that makes sense… it doesn’t, it sounds dumb, but whatever… i don’t even like the way i’m typing right, like literally these words i’m typing rn i don’t even actually feel represent me properly but it just feels relieving to type so i’m doin’ it okay don’t judge me don’t base my writing skills on this not that i have any real writing skills anyway. i don’t need to constantly belittle myself like this but i don’t need to waste my life away on shallow vapid short term pleasures and vices or follys or whatever man i think i am more a sheep and product of my consumer market than i like to think… i thought for a long time that i am going to amount to something great and i still think i can but at the same time there’s no denying i have wasted a fuck load of my time… like, i could be so much more by this age i should be prime peak time or some shit but instead i’m in bed more than i am anything else.. i’ve gotten to this weird point where i’ve spent so much time being comfortable that i’m uncomfortable with it….k

idk but ima try2do better.

<01:00

>>19:57

s’been quite a rollercoaster ride of emotions past few days… paralyzing me. peaks and valleys. all that.

i have got to stop indulging tho.

tomorrow = last 2 weeks of the 1st quarter of the year… time to get my shit together and get this year back on the track of progress and productivity and good things and stuff.

<19:59