nateqdruen.com

>>23:21

death

<23:21

>>22:29

lastdayofsummerskewlhomeworktiem.

<22:29

>>10:48

today is the day.

words cannot express how much i fucking miss my dog.

so i will take action instead.

i will get my shit together. for you, cloudydog <3

<10:51

;

>>15:01

i am going to go ahead and count last nights post as a double post – covering both ‘block 4’ of 07august2019, as well as ‘block 1’ of 08august2019. (because i started typing at >>23:58 and ended at <00:00 then finally clicked the publish button at 00:01)

making the initial post above from >>10:48<10:51 the ‘block 2’ post, which makes this the ‘block 3’ post. which means all i have to do is post during ‘block 4’ between 18:00-23:59 and today will be the first day i successfully posted during all 4 blocks of my imaginary points game. woohoo!

in all seriousness this is a bigger deal to me than it probably needs to but i really think it is going to help me with the grieving process of my dog leaving this earth for the clouds. i was determined to not let his death be in vain and to get my shit together, but honestly this past year looked a lot like the rest. but today, exactly one year later from that day, today is the day i officially get my shit together.

i g2g soon but i want to quickly mention what i think qualifies as “officially getting my shit together”…

there’s a lot of things that i tell myself i need to daily in order to feel productive and like im making progress in life. music, coding, art – whenever i get these urges to get all my shit together starting on so and so day, i tell myself i need to do those things every day – and then as soon as i miss a day i spiral into a deep depression because im an idiot.

but this time i am doing something different.

meditation.

today i am going to meditate.

i would like to say that i am absolutely certain that i am going to meditate every day after this, but instead of predicting the future and setting up myself up for another free round of anxiety – i am going to wait until all those tomorrows are todays, then take it from there. today, i will meditate.

if there’s anything i know for certain i can do every day, it’s breathing.

so there’s that.

g2gbrbbye

<15:17

;

>>21:17

good day. despite the anniversary circumstances. good day. new beginnings.

gonna give a toast to cloud the cloudy dawg.

brb wit block updates but i believe this post right officially cements today as the day i got my shit together.

btw i did meditate. the only cloud in the sky was directly in front of the sun setting on the horizon. pretty beautiful stuff.

<21:31

>>23:53

tomorrow is the one year anniversary of the death of my dog.

i remember learning in english class in high school that the definition of anniversary does not necessarily mean it is a happy thing. this is a sad thing. but my best friend gave me more than enough happy memories to remember on this sad day.

miss you buddy.

love you cloud <3

<23:58

>>23:59

also i got my brain mapped for TMS today and officially start 6 weeks of treatment so that’s kinda beautifully poetic in a way… here’s to new beginnings. gonna try n make a video about it all tonight. so far i haven’t missed a daily post this month – maybe august 2019 is the first month i successfully post every day.

<00:00

>>23:24

tomorrow i get my brain mapped… cool.

<23:26

>>23:15

fiverr

<23:16

>>23:13

4our

<23:14

>>23:13

thuhreee…

<23:14

>>18:49

two

<18:49

>>23:47

iwilldobetter.

before the end of the end of this year, i am going to create, produce and publish a short film. it will be about the year 1969. a sort of homage / celebration of its 50 year anniversary and all the history that occured within that one year.

iwill.

<23:50