> 16:55
I need to get on track. Not back on track — on track. I don’t think I’ve ever been on track. There was just long time in my life where there was no track to be on, being a child doesn’t necessarily come with too many “do’s and don’t(‘s?)” besides not getting in trouble. Which, granted, is a vast compilation of things in itself, but it does not include any real responsibility, I guess is what I’m trying to say. You have all this energy to play, play, play – and that’s pretty much all you have to do throughout the majority of you’re adolescence besides a couple of things of homework here and there. Well, for most people anyway. There’s virtually no chance of getting “off track” until you’re in your teens (unless you’re really bad) and thankfully I wasn’t too bad. I never really got “off track”, but I don’t think I’ve ever really been “on track” either.
Okay, I don’t really know what exactly I’m typing here (I still need to get better with words), but the point of this is post is – once again – I need to get my shit together. I intend on making today that day. The day Nathaniel Quinn Druen got his shit together. Has a ring to it, doesn’t it? Probably not but anywho – how do I intend on doing this? By calling myself out. “Publicly”. On this website. Which is, as of typing this now, in an awkward stage between public and private. I’ve mentioned it on social media once or twice but only because I knew nobody gave a shit anyway, so I’m still free to slack off on here and not actually do what I want to do with this website – same goes for just about everything in my life.
To connect the previous two paragraphs together – I think this feeling of “not being off track but not quite being on track either” stems from me, well, smoking weed… stems. Mostly the leaves and greens, but sometimes the stems too. I’m sure it stems from multiple other things as well, but I think my consumption of marijuana has been one of the most prominent factors in the depletion of energy from my youth. I don’t regret it at all, it’s definitely given some of the best times and even ideas of my life – but I think it’s time to give it a break. And I mean a real break – as in however many years it takes me to get my shit together.
Now, what I quantifiable goals can I create to determine what “getting my shit together” would actually entail? We’ll find out on the next episode of “Nate Get’s His Shit The Fuck Together… And He Doesn’t Apologize For The Profanity.”
That’s it for Episode 1 though cuz I gotta go. There’s yer pilot I guess.
A couple of quick notes though:
1) To wrap up the weed thoughts really quick, I started smoking the ganja my sophomore year of high school. Which was probably my favorite year. I had just gone through my first real heartbreak (i guess you could call it) and vowed to myself to just forget about trying to date girls for one whole year. So instead, I hung out with the boys and got real real high on the devil’s lettuce. I’d go home after school every day, practice drums for an hour (kinda how I got pretty good) then whenever my friends would wanna hang out we would go toke and eat in-n-out or something. it was the best. then junior year things kinda changed… i got in my first “real relationship”s but i got pretty depressed too… i don’t know why, but it lasted for a really long time. it comes in waves and it really just makes me feel like not doing anything. i was never quite suicidal, but i’ve had many-a-dream of going to sleep and just not waking up. as my therapist said: “oblivion seems appealing.” anyway, this ‘quick little note’ has gone on a little too long – but to catch ya up real quick, i’m now a music college drop-out who continues to despise the public education system and desires to change it around the world but for now can’t even seem to get myself out of bed before noon. so, i’m going back to the public education system i hate, this time in the form of a local community college to study computer programming so i can build this website and learn as many things as i possibly can and hopefully change the world. or some shit idk.
2) the second thing was something else but i g2g now sorry bye.
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