>>22:29
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gotta stop lettin’ time slip by…
how many days am i lettin’ pass by as zeros? zero things accomplished that progress me forward.. not even just a lazy day here or there, i feel like i’ve had weeks if not months and really overall years of just 0 to minimal progress in life… as i’m typing this, i feel like i don’t really feel like this, but at the same time i felt the need to write it out… idk if that’s even true but wutever all of this is cheesy anyways ain’t it.
i missed the time-frame to post on the 19th of march but i will not miss the year of 2019… i know that’s not really connected and i know i overthink and underdo things but i will, i need to, change that. the 20s are my time to shine. and this is the year to put in the polish. whatever fuckin’ motivation metaphor i need to get myself to do it already.
part of me wants to pull an all nighter and magically turned my life around but part of me knows i’ve been trying that for 10 years now and it hasn’t worked so… i think in ways i’m being too hard in myself but in others i’m being hard enough, like in the right ways if that makes sense… it doesn’t, it sounds dumb, but whatever… i don’t even like the way i’m typing right, like literally these words i’m typing rn i don’t even actually feel represent me properly but it just feels relieving to type so i’m doin’ it okay don’t judge me don’t base my writing skills on this not that i have any real writing skills anyway. i don’t need to constantly belittle myself like this but i don’t need to waste my life away on shallow vapid short term pleasures and vices or follys or whatever man i think i am more a sheep and product of my consumer market than i like to think… i thought for a long time that i am going to amount to something great and i still think i can but at the same time there’s no denying i have wasted a fuck load of my time… like, i could be so much more by this age i should be prime peak time or some shit but instead i’m in bed more than i am anything else.. i’ve gotten to this weird point where i’ve spent so much time being comfortable that i’m uncomfortable with it….k
idk but ima try2do better.
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