>>23:42
today was a good day. i really am finally starting to feel progress… for the first time in a while i think. it may or may not show in my final semester grades for the couple of classes i have but i am fully committed to making a change in myself with intention next year, 2019. I feel like this year, 2018, has changed me a lot without my intention… it just sort of hit me with various impactful events throughout but i think i needed that or something… idk but what i am sure of is that i am finally approaching a resolution in what has felt like a really long conflict within my self and my understanding of my surroundings and what i’m supposed to do with what i’ve been given.
i’ve been given a lot in life and i am very grateful for that. i think a lot of what i have been feeling though, has almost been paralyzing guilt from not having already made something great with the easy life i’ve had. but things take time and i heard some good quote the other day about how suffering is relative or something like that so idk i guess i need to stop being so hard on myself.
with all this being said, i am feeling much better and i think that shows just by the fact that i’m actually typing multiple blocks of text right now instead of just a quick one-liner to secure the daily post. i want to do more. i am going to do more. it may not always be easy, but i am always going to commit to doing things – for me, for my family, for my loved ones, for my friends, for my followers and for my fans if i ever end up with any.
i’m still slightly weirdly scared of trying. trying to do things, trying to make it in any sense. but ima gonna.
anyways, i gotta finish a job application. will be back with more updates soon.
<23:59