>20:19
sorry i’ve been out for a while – worked a crazy weekend and learned that i need to work harder in my everyday life. i’ve already known that for sometime but this past weekend, i learned the feeling of what it means to work hard. i think it was the first time i’ve experienced a true sense of pride in the work i put into something without it being fun at all. which i’m sure is embarrassing to be feeling for the first time at 22. plenty of people who have been forced to live all work and no play all their lives, especially up until and further past my age. i guess i’m spoiled suburban late bloomer. i’ve been catching up on sleep and food all week but now there’s no more excuses. and that’s the scary part. the only thing getting in between me and the things i want, is myself. and i can’t get past him. he’s fucking stubborn. and lazy. so goddamn lazy. even after i’m forced to be everything but lazy with 3 back2back 15 hour work days. you would think i would be so appreciative of everything i have, which i am, but start to actually fucking show it terms of displaying something of a work ethic back home. but that’s the thing, i have nothing that really really really calls for a strong work ethic back home. i’ve somehow pulled off my dream of having enough free time to call myself my own boss but i don’t know what to do with it. or, i do know exactly what to do with it, i just don’t have the sheer fucking willpower. and that irritates the hell out of me. but i’m doing it. i’m getting my shit together. i don’t give a fuck what it takes. i’ll kick myself out of my own goddamn overly-luxorious house if i have to. i need to get into shape. mentally, physically, and spiritually.
<20:26